Ways You’re Unknowingly Disrespecting Your Wife

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    Written by:

    Ciru Kamau

    ciru@mtkenyatimes.co.ke Image result for clip art girl love coloured

    You may think that making your wife happy is a top priority; however, sometimes we just don’t know what that really requires. We try and try but sometimes we totally miss the mark. Remember, marriages require work. They require mutual respect, honesty, support and unconditional love. But what happens when one partner doesn’t recognize how destructive they are being? What happens when those actions are offensive? Sometimes, the simple actions, comments, jokes and comparing are the things that start to be viewed as disrespectful and hurtful. These sorts of acts can begin to work at your marriage. When a husband disrespects his wife, it can lead to some devastating outcomes. It’s in these moments; wives are trigger by the insensitivity of their husbands. She may be unhappy and you don’t even know it. If you are in a committed marriage, you should be able to discuss issues, challenges and have deep conversations about things you like and don’t like. Here are six ways you’re unknowingly disrespecting your wife.

    Showering other women with attention

    Overly praising another woman is a surefire way to hurt your wife and knock at her self-esteem. While you may have tons of interactions with women on a daily basis, your friendship with them should never interfere with your marriage. While telling a woman she looks beautiful will make her entire day, complimenting a woman’s body is inappropriate unless she’s your wife. While you can acknowledge another woman’s strengths, if you overdo it, your wife might think that you’re comparing her with that other woman. The way you comment about another woman in general could make her think you’re into her, and whether you are or not, that’s not a message you should be sending to another woman. Be aware that everything you say sends intentional and unintentional messages to your wife and other women. You don’t need to stop interacting with all women once you’re married, but make sure your interactions with them are appropriate.

    Not Acknowledging Her Efforts

    Never complimenting your wife’s efforts in the marriage can really hurt. A compliment is one of the sweetest things a husband can give to his wife. It is easy to have a thought quickly pass through your mind about her, but to actually tell her takes a conscious effort. More than anyone else, wives need to feel loved and desired by their husbands. Your wife values your opinion, and when she switches something up, even in the slightest way, how you respond to her is hugely important. This is why it’s important that you pay close attention to your wife. If you notice anything different, acknowledge it. Tell her things like she looks amazing, that you really love the meal she made, that she’s the best mom or that she looks like she’s losing weight. When you hone in on the little things that matter to her the most, she knows you are really paying attention to her and that you value her.

    Making Big Decisions Without Talking About Them First

    One way to disrespect your wife is to not consult them when you make decisions, especially decisions that impact your family and marriage. Before you were married, you didn’t have to consult anyone about your decisions. You didn’t having to check in with anyone. However, when you decided to take the journey of marriage and commit your life to another person, things changed. Certain responsibilities come with being part of an intimate committed relationship. One such responsibility includes consulting with your partner whenever you’re faced with an important decision. The thinking here is that big decisions impact both of you, so it only makes sense to talk about your partner’s feelings regarding any potentially important decision. When a wife doesn’t consult her husband about big decisions she’s making, it can make him feel inadequate and that his judgment isn’t trusted. It can also make him feel like you don’t take his opinions seriously.

    Checking Out Other Women

    Noticing the beauty of another woman is unavoidable, but gawking at other women is inappropriate, especially in the presence of your wife. No matter how subtle you think you’re being, your wife will notice when you’re checking out other women. She sees you when you’re doing a double take when another woman walks by or being lightly flirtatious when you’re out in public. Not only is it disrespectful, it is embarrassing. Wives know their husbands are wired to notice and appreciate beauty, but gawking is offensive. She notices, even when she doesn’t say anything. It deeply hurts your wife to sees you looking at other women and if you do it a lot, it can really wear at her self-esteem and trust in the marriage.

    Withholding Affection

    Your wife appreciates your affection. Kisses on the forehead, holding your hand, rubbing your back, or giving you a hug are some examples of these smaller acts of affection. While they are subtle actions, they can really make your wife feel loved. When you appear uninterested in or never initiate those more casual acts of intimacy, it can make your wife feel unattractive and worthless, especially if you showed her these forms of affection before. She may begin to think that she’s doing something wrong, you no longer view her as attractive or you’re turned off by her in some way and this can kill her self-esteem. It can really hurt a woman’s confidence when they’re the one initiating all the romantic gestures, while their partner puts in little or no effort.

    Being Distracted During Conversation

    Being distracted during conversation with your wife is not only a turn off, but also a big slap in the face, especially when she’s trying to communicate something important to you. When you do things like look at your phone during a conversation or can’t recreate what she said because you were paying attention to the TV and not her, it sends the nonverbal message to her that you don’t care enough about what she is saying to give her your full attention and it will bother her, a lot. We all are occasionally distracted, but if it’s happening all the time, she will notice it and take it personally. This is a problem that is becoming more and more common because things like our phones and social media take up a lot of our attention. No text, video, game or digital distraction is worth making the most important person in your life feel like they are worthless.

    We often hear that a husband’s primary need is respect. The truth is, wives want to feel respected too. When a woman is disrespected, she feels unloved. Every woman has her own list of what it and isn’t disrespectful to them. It is very important to ask your wife about her preferences, what bothers her and what speaks to her. Don’t discuss these things in the heat of an argument or when the situation is tense. Husbands, you have the power to lift your wives up through your words and actions.


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